Sir Fabulous Does, In Fact, Explain It All

As I mentioned last week, my nearest and one of my dearest SIR FABULOUS HIMSELF will be answering questions from you good folks on The Beautiful Struggler! Yay! And despite the fact that he filmed/enabled "Slowly, Surely (The Drunk Taxi Remix)",he is brilliant and gives super duper advice.

For his first consultation, he is solving the problems of our friend Unequivocal Difference:

UD: I've had two different issues I've been grappling with and some outside advice would be wonderful. The first is serious where as the other is kind of silly, but confusing none the less:

I am conflicted in terms of occupation. I have recently graduated from college, and have been looking for jobs. I know the job of my dreams is out there, but I am feeling pressure to get a job that I will probably end up hating because I don't come from a family that can monetarily support me for years while I try to chase after this dream (I want to be a news caster, but most entry level jobs are part time and I would not be able to support myself with a part time job). So what do you suggest I do? Should I wait for a time where it would be easier for me to chase my dreams, after a few years or so - possibly missing my window of opportunity in the mean time? Or should I scratch and survive anyway I can/possible be a burden on my family to get to where I know I need to be?

SFH: You don’t sound conflicted as much as you sound afraid. (Or maybe that fear is fueling your confliction?) You know that taking this "stable" job is going to frustrate you and lead to happiness, so how secure is it? Unhappy employees generally don’t do well, and in this economy, employers are just looking for a reason to shave staff. Follow your dream. You say you can’t support yourself on one part-time job? Well what about two? Side gigs and hustles are wonderful ways to supplement your income. You can also explore other interests and expand your network while working outside of your "primary" job.

Ultimately, you’re going to try to chase that dream at some point, as you will tire of people pleasing. Why not cut out the bull in the middle and go for it right now?!?

UD: There is a young man who I have liked for a while, and he likes me - which is great! But the unfortunate part... The really really! unfortunate part is in the bedroom we just CAN NOT get it together. It's not that we aren't sexually attracted to each other, but it's just a mess of things. I've liked him too long to just give up on my feelings for him, but I can't bare the thought of having to sleep with him again. People have suggested I help 'train him up', but he swears he's great in bed and probably won't be open to suggestions. So how can I get around either his stubbornness, or come to grips with the fact that if I choose to continue to like him - I could never date him because I couldn't subject myself to that on a consistent basis?

SFH: Hmmm. This one is tricky. For starters, it seems to me like you and the guy need to work on your "relationship" first and foremost. Based on your question, I don’t know that there is clarity in communication, or about what this "relationship" is. If you can’t talk to him honestly, this is gonna go nowhere. Fast. Next, you say that if you continue to like him you could never date him, because the sex is bad. So are you two dating now, or just "liking" each other? If it’s the former, pump the brakes on sex, and get to a space where you can share things, including personal and critical things. If it’s the latter, which I suspect it is, you can’t demand or expect much as you have no proprietary rights to his lovemaking, and he’s probably getting it in somewhere else as well. You just like each other. This sounds to me like a fling that won’t make the memoir because it’s just not that exciting. Don’t feel bad however, as we all will experience those. Just delete this from your list and your "number" and move on to the next. The last tidbit, is the ugly side of possibility, which is maybe it’s you? But I haven’t driven that course, and only like fish on a plate, so I can’t really discuss that too much.

ST: I'll jump in on that one and ask, what are you doing sexually, sister? You busting them Kegels like you 'posed to? I'll agree with SFH that the relationship/friendship is what you need to reconcile first- what is it, what do you want it to be and what does he want? But as far as the bad sex goes, what makes it bad? Is it so inconsistent with your past lovers that he has to be the culprit? Give us more deets, woman! And remember, sex is work! It sometimes takes a while to get a groove with a new partner. If he's worth it, then work on it. Don't be afraid to read books, watch porn and do some self study to get your personal sex game up to and above standard.

If YOU want Sir Fabulous to solve your life conundrums (with a possible unsolicited chime-in from moi), then please drop a line to SFH@thebeautifulstruggler.com and we will hook you up!