Five For Friday: Week In Review

I'd be excited about my weekend, but I have a training tomorrow all fucking day. FML. Anyway, it was quite a week and I had more important things to discuss other than the small happenings of my life. But it's Friday and I'm on some self-involved chill type stuff. So today's FFF is a little anecdotal evidence that my life is far less than ordinary, plus a few fun things I'd like to share.

1) I survived two assassination attempts this week. The first came in a very unsuspecting package:

I've been eating this Smart Ones Lasagna Florentine for years. It's okay. A nice departure from protein shakes and whatever other boring lunches I've been torturing myself with for the past few weeks. I heated one up Monday, excited to be having the ever forbidden white pasta. A few bites in, I tasted the most vile flavor ever. It tasted like straight up nail polish remover! Or rather, the Bitrex that is placed in nail polish remover to deter children from drinking it. I had to spit my food back in to the tray, it was so bad. According to the package, the dinner wasn't set to expire until late 2010 and when I called the company, they had no reports of tainted meals. They sent me some coupons for my trouble and I have the poisoned lasagna sitting in my freezer until I make my way to Target and get my damn $1.08 back. I just want to know why Weight Watchers didn't sent poison control to my house. This is obviously a plot.

2) The second attempt on my life came that same night! I was half sleep on the couch when I smelled a faint burning scent. I saw flashing lights at the window and opened the blinds to see the fire department putting out a raging blaze in our garbage can. The entire plastic can burned down to little more than ashes, as did mostly everything that we had disposed of this week! Strangely enough, there was something smoldering in our neighbor's can too. And a pack of matches left on the ground.

I'm pretty sure the culprit was my bum-assed housemate (from this and that). This was the very day the marshals came and put the eviction notice on his door. Coincidence? I think not. You'll be glad to know I'm moving in the next few weeks.

3) Dunkin Donuts is, oddly enough, one of the few fast food restaurants I can go to. The egg white and cheese English muffins and flatbreads, plus the Latte Light and iced coffee/tea are tasty and relatively healthy breakfast options on the go. They could sub some low-fat cheese or something lower in sodium for the American slice, but I deal with it because it's one of my few options on my lunch break. But I'm a little perplexed about this new egg and cheese wrap on the Eat Smart menu:

Photo source
What qualifies this as a wrap? I thought the ends of the tortilla or, well, wrap would have to...wrap around to make it as such. This is a taco shell with half an egg or egg white patty and a whole piece of cheese. It's only 170 calories, but it's not hardly filling and you are losing half the protein from the egg found on a regular Dunkin sammich and keeping all the fat and sodium from the cheese.

It tastes pretty good though. It's nowhere near as gross as McDonald's Mac Wrap, which looks to be Big Mac ingredients on a taco shell (though it is big enough to be called a wrap). What is the fascination with putting American food on taco shells? Cultural cuisine appropriation FAIL.

4)My new YouTube obsession: singing along karaoke versions of timeless songs. Sir Fabulous and I did this for about two hours.My favorite part is noticing the misspelled words and incorrect song lines. Here's a favorite:


5) Speaking of incorrect song lines, I learned the following last night:

- On "The Boy Is Mine", Brandy says "You're the past/I'm the future". I thought she was saying "You're the best in the future", as some sort of awkwardly phrased message of encouragement to her romantic rival. Like, hey, you'll get your own man one day, just not this one.

-On "Don't Let Go (Love)", Dawn says "I often fantasize the stars at night are watching you". I thought it was "I often fantasize the stars at night/oh, a chill". Like it gave her chills. I think my version is better and less stalkerish. Especially since she already wants to dress up in his clothes and get off.

Enjoy your weekend! I'll try to embrace the sorry piece of one I have to look forward to. Le freaking sigh.