Five For Friday: Instant Vintage

Hey, I have a big project to finish. Here's a little fun from last year. Talk to you soon! Oh, and I will be answering questions from readers via video blog next week. So if you are interested, send them to me: sister.toldja@thebeautifulstruggler.com.

Good morning Vietnam! I am still a little bit faded from last night. It's been a hectic week at work, so I've been slow on the updates. Glad to see that the world has continued it's spiral to Hell in my absence. Nooses? Word? Ok, I got you, White people. Let me here about one more noose incident, and I'm gonna kick the shit out of the next dog I see.

Time for a little Toldjebra:

Kicking a dog to White people
=
Stealing Big Momma purse to Black people

So, what is this I hear about Dog the Bounty Hunter? He says "nigger"? He doesn't want his kids dating Black people? STOP THE MF'N PRESSES! A REDNECK MULLET-WEARING BOUNTY HUNTER IS A RACIST? Ay dios mio!!!!! What's next, you gonna tell me Cuba Gooding, Jr. loves White Women and can do a mean soft-shoe? Beyonce's wearing a weave? Donnie McClurkin be smashing dudes from Black Planet?

Come ON People!!!! Shit!

And my mother says they interviewed Dick Gregory on the radio about the matter? Huh? Dick Gregory? Doesn't he have more relevant things to talk about, such as Kelly Rowland's record sales? Or the new Sean John ads? Perhaps the price of tea in China?

Whatever man. I wasn't gonna do this yet....but I think it's time.

*Ahem* Let me just preface this with some words of wisdom from my brother and yours, the King of R&B. I think his message is very fitting today:


Now, I guess I'm gonna have to take control. All on our own. Gotta gotta take control, gotta gotta gotta take control. Now it's up to me, we've got to take it home. All on our own.

Amen. Beautiful as poetry. Anyhoo, I am taking control. What we got going on now isn't working. From now on, when something happens concerning Black people, you call ME first! Not Jesse, not Al, not Dick Gregory. ME. Sister Toldja is the new Empress of Blackness. The new Wizard of Negritude.

If you need an advocate in a race-related issue, call me. Feel discriminated against? Call me. Think the Korean lady at the nail shop be calling you all types of names? Call me. If you are White and need to know how "Black people feel about a certain matter", call me.

*Looking at Jesse Jackson and doing the Donald Trump hand*

You're fired.

Now, I realize you won't always be able to get me. It's possible that you could call whilst I'm out shopping with one of those large corporate kick-back checks they usually give to Jesse Jackson I'm out helping someone else in the community. So I'm thinking we should have some backup resources. Can't get me, then just work your way down the list.


1. Sister Toldja


2. Chris Rock


3. Aaron McGruder, "The Boondocks" creator


4.Huey offa "The Boondocks"


Now, if you get this far on the list and still haven't gotten any help, it's time for desperate measures.
5. Get a Oujia board and ask Dr. King.



If you don't have one handy, try to get a Magic Eight-Ball.Lowkey, I heard that's what Al Sharpton does. Can't you picture it : Dr King, should I run for president again?..."Seems doubtful"? Well, I reckon that's that.

If all else fails, say my name three times, and I'll magically appear at the nearest bar with a bottle of Baileys and a plan for action.

It's revolution time! Too hot to handle, too cold to hold!
Sister Toldja