I did one of those goofy Facebook quizzes where I named "Five People I Would Like To Punch In The Face". My dear friend, who I will call Doctor Sister (she's finna have a pHd!)asked me to name one hundred people I would like to punch in a blog post or detail what exactly I would like to do them. Never one to back down from a challenge... here goes!
In no particular order:
1. Michael Steele (drop squad)
2. Rush Limbaugh (buried alive in a deep grave)
3. Puff Daddy (drop squad)
4. Plies (dragged out to the woods and shot)
5. Gucci Mane (see above)
6. Superhead (an hour in a locked room with Method Man's wife)
7. Soulja Boy (start over at first grade at an African-centered school)
8. Carrie Prejean (shaved bald and forced to intern at Planned Parenthood)
9. Monique (forced at gunpoint to shave her legs and stop cooning)
10. Nas (make him take Afro-Am and women's studies classes)
11. George Bush (dropped off in Iraq with no security detail)
12. Dick Cheney (waterboarded for two straight days)
13. Ann Coulter (women's prison, followed by welfare)
14. Beyonce (kicked out of SAG and prohibited by law not to act, nor speak publicly)
15. Jay-Z (electric shock every time he likens himself to someone actually important)
16. David Patterson (ability to SEE what the fuck he is doing to our state; dog bite)
17. Cassie (sent back to her parents; a father figure who doesn't bone her)
19. Rick Ross (stranded on an island with real thugs)
20. 50 Cent (stranded on an island with real thugs)
21. Asher Roth (stranded on an island with real emcees)
22.Eminem (an hour tied to a chair at the mercy of Nick Cannon)
23. Barbara Walters (her husband to come forward and detail a steamy affair)
24. Chris Brown (ass-whooping, followed by intense therapy)
25. Rihanna (intense therapy)
26. Tyler Perry (drop squad; inability to write until he loses his coonin' spirit)
27. Donnie McClurkin (a swift kick out of the closet)
29. Mike Bloomberg (forced to move to New Jersey and DQ'd from the mayoral race)
30. Lil Wayne (rehab and two weeks on the streets with real thugs)
31. T-Pain (vocal cord removal)
32. Taye Diggs (get even shorter, so we can't even see him)
33. Lindsey Lohan (forced to attend high school)
34. Fergie (exiled to Mars)
35. Will.I.Am (Black women's studies classes; rapping lessons)
36. Justin Timberlake (no more contact with Black female pop singers)
37. Bob Johnson (death by stoning)
38. Nelly (credit card swiped down his arse by a man)
39. Mike Vick (a job coaching youth sports for a modest salary)
40. Craigslist Killer (sliced from feet to head)
41. Drew Peterson (locked in a room with the armed families of his victims)
42. DL Hugley (forced to clean the Rutgers women's locker room with his toothbrush)
43. Don Imus (fired for good)
44. Lil' Kim (a therapist, a big hug and reconstructive surgery)
45. Barack Obama (a HUGE hug, a dap [it was never called a fist bump]...and a reminder to dance with those who brought him to the party)
Ok, so perhaps I don't have as many people in mind as I thought. But I tried.
Who did I miss? Who would you eff up or fix up?
Sister Toldja
PS- Don't forget, it goes DOWN next Wednesday!
Movemakers Happy Hour/Beautiful Struggler Meet and Greet
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
6:00pm - 9:00pm
Taj Lounge
48 W 21st St, New York, NY
To RSVP, drop me a line: sistertoldja@thebeautifulstruggler.com
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Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Chall-an-ge!
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15 props:
Alan Keyes - a round house kick to the adams apple.
Alan Keyes (38926 straight hrs of African American history)
Ciara (take away all of her Janet and Aaliyah video)
Kim Porter (self-esteem classes)
Kenyon Martin (slap across the neck for the big red lip tattoo)
Sherri Shepherd - Remedial Geography & English classes, so that she can polish those skills just a bit.
Tyra Banks - An internship at the Oprah Show
Okay just a few questions:
1. What is a drop squad?
2. Why is Superhead being locked in a room with Method Man's wife?
3. Why is Nas taking these classes?
4. Why does Eminem have to be at the mercy of Nick Canon? What is the connection--Mariah Carey?
5. What has Will.I. Am done to disgrace black women?
6. Why are you rewarding Mike Vick?
7. What makes the craiglist killer worse than other killers? or his very own victims for that matter?
8. How could you forget R. Kelly, Kirk Franklin, Debra Lee, Steve Harvey, Katt Williams, Sarah Palin, John Edwards, Matthew & Tina Knowles, Eddie Murphy, Ne-yo, Lauren London, Christina Milian, Jessica Simpson, Polow Da Don, Usher, T.I. & TIny, Monica & Rocko, LaLA, Kim kardashian,Tyra Banks, Akon, DJ Khaled, Madonna, The cast of vh1 reality shows, the desperate housewives of ATL, marques houston, alicia keys & swizz beats, russell simmons?
1) Google the movie Drop Squad. Racial reprogramming, in a nut shell.
2) She was the other woman and publically embrarrased her about it, whilst Meth's wife had cancer. Meth shoulda been on the list too.
3) Nas is a sexist pig and is VERY ignorant about Black history and studies.
4) Yes, and he dissed MC on a rap and dissed Nick as well. Nick FINALLY called him out for his numerous incidents with dissing Black women.
5)He kicked the former BEP vocalist to the curb and recruited Fergie. And he said "your cream in my cocoa/creamy milky cocoa puff". Had he not helped the Obama campaign, I'd have given him a stiffer sentence.
6) It's not a reward, I want him to use his skills for good. No more NFL.
7) He was one of the two killers who came to mind...but what do you mean how is he worse than his victims?
8) I was sleepy! I can't believe I forgot R Kelly though, I may have to do a part 2.
Michael Baisden (swift kick to the larynyx)
Kim Kardashian (ass whooped with her arsenal of eye makeup)
i hate hate hate being a victim blamer but why are people meeting people of craiglist in real life? it just sounds like a bad joke from the 90's and your real life should not be a joke.
This post cracked me up as always. I dont think I disagree with one single thing on your list or your others commenters add-ons. I say YUP to all! I'm taking this challenge, I gotta lot of people I'd like to oopsupside the head, and I am soooooo borrowing "Drop Squad" as learning tool
@goodsenseaintcommon while I am not a Craigslist dater, you can meet a psycho at the bar, the internet, church, work, a friend-of-a-friend, next door, anywhere. The one you meet that is wooing you with dinner dates & manners could have body parts in his freezer. Keep in mind that one never knows about anothers mindset. Technically, if you are in public this very moment, there is a psycho very near you right now. * looks around* I just spotted the one near me
Sis T, oooooo I wish I could come to your event next week, I shall be there in spirit and twitter.
You are the greatest!!! I was dying reading this list. I love that you're going to send a lot of the backpackers to class. Yeah... I was looking for R. Kelly too. And Steve Harvey for taking us back fifty years. He actually compares dating to fishing and suggests that women withhold the nooky and cook a man some good meals so that he doesn't "throw her back." Oh and Shelby Steele and John McWhorter and Maya Angelou.
And I love my name. I finally get a name! I'm gonna come to NY so that my new name can appear in one of your stories about doing harm to strangers in public (i.e. throwing drinks, slapping dudes in the face, etc.)
Ok. So i just googled drop squad and I'm ashamed of myself. I thought you meant that you would murder them from a plane or something, and it made me happy to think of Michael Steele, Puff Daddy and Tyler Perry being shot from above as they courted white women, danced in a horrible video or dated young men in Atlanta while pushing conservative values respectively. Am I a sadist if that made me laugh out loud?
I'll add...Flava Flav, NY and her mother, Ray J, Wendy Williams and her Husband, Nephew Tommy, Paula Abdul, Stephen A. Smith (I think he's an asshole), Kobe, Irv Gotti and Deb.
Oh one more, John Edwards.
I just think its funny because I have ALWAYS said Lil Kim needs a hug.
Poor boo.
Larry Elder - sentenced to listening to audio of Black Panther meetings for life.
I forgot to add Anthony Anderson (pelt him with his unfunny jokes and antics)
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