Music Makes Me Lose Control

Whatever happened to predictability? The milkman? The paperboy? Evening TV? While I'm not usually satisfied by popular music, even I have been a bit let down by the new trash to hit the airwaves lately.


You ok?

I talk a lot of smack about Beyonce- particularly her dreadful lyrics and the acting roles that have been wasted on her. However, I'd be lying if I said that I didn't shake my derriere in my House of Marshall's to most of "B-Day". I also remember how, despite some shaky initial reviews, how huge that CD was and how many folks were sweating it tough. So why have I heard virtually nothing about "I Am...Sasha Fierce"? Perhaps it has to do with the fact all the songs I've heard from it are pretty wack, minus "Single Ladies" (aka "Get Me Bodied" redux). That "Diva" song goes hard, beatwise (likely because it's simply "A Milli" 2.0). I can't ride with that "diva is the female version of a hustler" mess though.

A diva:


The female version of a hustler:


"If I Were A Boy" is the worst mess I've heard in a minute, this side of Pon De Forehead aka Rihnanna aka the only reason I haven't populated Brooklyn with the seeds of Chris Brown yet. The song is better suited for the young, White folksy singer who Beyonce stole it from in the first place. I'm not against crossing genres, but that is the most souless, boring, Sheryl Crow sounding song of life. I appreciate the idea behind the song and I love that Beyonce is cheating on her man with a White man in the video (that's a commentary for that ass, no?), but actually listening to the song is aural Ambien.

Hip-Hop and R&B are sounding more and more like homogenized Pop music- without soul or flavor or anything funky. You have that horrible T.I. and Rihanna mess, for example. Hip-Hop my arse! And then all the "R&B singers" are jacking the T-Pain vocoder skit, like that's just the hot thing to do. Who the hell is this Ron Brown person behind "We Pop Champagne"? He's horrible! I want his head on a platter by sundown, who got me?

I have a lot of issues with some of Kanye West's content and don't even get me started on his public misbehavior. However, I have went to the store and copped his albums they day they came out since The College Dropout...with the exception of 808s and Heartbreak. Hell and no. Have y'all heard that mess? I realize that the brother had a hard year, losing his mother and ending his engagement. And I certainly expected pain and loss to be thematic in his new music. However, I did NOT expect one of the most talented emcees/producers out there to devote an entire album to bad singing and autotuner. Isn't this kinda ironic, given that 'Ye produced Be for Common, which allowed him to reconnect with his fans who felt like he went too far left with Electric Circus?

Brothers in NYC are on some R&B thug ish lately. I have never seen so many "hard" looking men driving around bumping slow jams in my life as I have in the past few months. Can someone, anyone, please explain the reason behind this phenomenon to me? I certainly appreciate the respite from The Carter III and various Jay-Z records, but it's still odd. Dudes are really rolling around bumping Joe. I'm confused. My house guests and I were awoken a few times this weekend to loud R&B music coming from some goon's car.

Sister Salud and I made the mistake of listening to Shot 97 and Power 105.1 for a few hours on Saturday. We heard the same dreadful song by Red Cafe (?!?!?) no less than FIVE TIMES. I don't know the name of it, but it loops the first ten seconds of Anita Baker's "Caught Up In The Rapture" over and over again. IT SUCKS! Actually, I heard it so many times I think I love it and will probably be excited if ever I hear it in the club. But it's a really terrible song, like really.

Do not tell anyone I told you this, but my male arch nemesis in life who I want dead real bad, (my MANILWIWDRB for short) actually has the two hottest songs out right now. T-Pain's two recent collabos with Ludacris ("One More Drink" and "Chopped And Screwed") both go extra hard. The beats actually sound like real R&B songs, with melodies and such. As much as I hate T-Pain, I do acknowledge that he is the official voice of the ugly man. You see, all his songs revolve around strippers, bartenders and using copious amounts of alcohol and money to get women, which he would be wholly unable to do otherwise. Those brothers need a voice too, those guys who chase you around the club smelling like Newports and Hen Roc, practically begging you to drink booze that they purchase. The ones who can't come up with anything more clever than "Hey ma!" or "I want to pour barbeque sauce on you and work you like a rib!"* when they see you in the street. The ones that women like me wouldn't touch with Ann Coulter's lips.

Everyone deserves a song,
Sister Toldja

*SOMEONE ACTUALLY SAID THAT TO US THIS WEEKEND!