(Toldja's Note: This blog was 99% ready to go for Monday, but apparently my list of posts is NSFW and I was blocked from accessing it! Gee whiz! My apologies!)
Last week, I attempted to console a friend as he bemoaned the many things he hates about being single. (I know, what the hell? Me trying to convince someone that single life isn't so bad? SMH). As he went on and on about the things he missed about having a woman in his life, the more depressed I got thinking about all the things my life lacks as I approach it as a single woman.
Since both time and circumstance have slowed my party and bullisht lifestyle, I feel the lack of a mate now more than ever. As Friday night is no longer a guaranteed night on the town with the clique, it's even more depressing to know that I don't have someone to come over and watch a movie or to go have dinner with. And you know how much worse that feels in the winter. It's cold and I want to cuddle.
I don't know what to do anymore. All the men I meet are unattractive, boring, crazy or a potpourri of all three. I'm too fieeeerceyoung to settle. I tried getting a cat to take up my time, but you see how that worked. Maybe I should get a TV and some video games. I was all raring up about Rock Band and Guitar Hero, until I found out those games cost upwards of $300 for all the equipment. 
No,thank you. I will stick to what I know.
It's crazy, but as much as I love seeing Barack and Michelle and the girls...and I mean LOVE like it was Christmas and Kwanzaa of 1993...there's a part of me that hurts, that is afraid: will that ever be me? A strong man by my side, raising beautiful little Black kids...I'm lost, son. Lost.
I don't really know what else to do. I go to a lot of cultural and community events. I don't club and bar hop as much as I used to, but everyone says those are the worst places to meet men anyway, right? Good grief. Nights like this I wish raindrops would fall-ooh-all-ooh-allll.
So y'all know I'm looking for a new preferably male roommateof color who doesn't ever cook. Why this lady just call me, right? And she sounded cool until she mentioned that she had cats. Of course, I do love cats and would like to have a new one or two around. Then she went on to say that her boy cat had had kittens and she kept the whole litter. Aww, wait a minute.
Sister Toldja: So, um, how many cats exactly do you have?
Ms. Kitty: I don't want to say! (Laughter) A lot!
Yes, I'm still looking for a roommate.
Le sigh,
Sister Toldja
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Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Brokedown Tenament
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18 props:
i've met some really great guys off the internet. most of them became really good friends cuz there was zero chemistry when we met. LOL.... and bars ARE the worst place to find men for a long term commitment.
i thoroughly enjoy your blog.
hugz,
neena
Just keep doing you! I struggle with this after I divorced and thought man did I walk awawy from my only chance.
Well I'm living a very Halle Berry life (meaning a man no labels and not worried about marrying) with out the baby. Not saying that should be you. Just aying focus on you and what you want and BE OPEN the rest will follow.
Just live in the now and don't get so bogged down about the future. I think. *lol*
-OG
Girl I have slumped since seeing that first family.
while I am extremely happy and proud I can't help but wonder if I will be able to have that same love and strength but I'm certain one day it will all fall into place.
I'm sure you will find the man for you, the one who can handle sista tolja in all her gloriousness
Sounds like a pity party. Toldja I think you're amazing..it's only a matter of time.
Hold ya head.
I do believe that one day you will have what your heart desires!!
The lady with the cats, thats funny!!
Good luck with the roommate search.
*considers eharmony*
I cannot tell you I have had favorable experiences with men from Brooklyn. I really can't.
Just keep hope alive and consider graduate school.
um, no, do not consider graduate school if you are looking for dates/mates. trust me on that one.
real talk: instead of random bars and parties and random brooklyn events... i'd stick to events thrown by friends or associates that you not only trust, but that you also admire. most of the dope people i meet are met thru dope people.
Internet dating scares me but i feel like its the best way to gofor new yorkers (we having the same drama in Harlem). it gives you the chance to weed the wankstas out. I think you just have to wait a while before you actually meet them in person.
There's nothing in the world that would make me think it (wonderful black family) wont happen for me. i just know that its gonna be on God's terms and not mine.
Same for you hun! Just be faithfilled! ;)
are you sure that what you want actually exists?
You should check out The Comeback Girl's blog. She posted an entry listing 50 Place Where the Successful Black Men are. It was a pretty good list.
ms. kitty made me laugh. good luck on the mister.
I am continually and genuinely AMAZED when a self-proclaimed, or friend-endorsed, "incredible" woman becomes fixated and stagnant in her approach to dating.
Mind you, it's the same woman who will jump the line, take the last sesame bagel, yell at bad drivers, squeeze into the subway as the doors are closing, etc. while smiling inside and subtly flaunting her power. AND I LOVE IT!!! Infuriates sometimes, yes, but, dammit, I love her for it.
So when that same woman sits and laments nothing is "happening", it's frankly, nothing less than sad. What if that same ferocity and grace used to steal my cab were set to find companionship or even love?
I bet it would be amazing. I bet it would be epic. I bet it would be something worth writing and sharing and penning for all time. What power, what grace, what strength. What a woman!
So instead of saying "hang on, it'll happen" (which is the WORST advice anywhere in the world, BTW. If you do what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got.) Instead, I say simply: If "he" hasn't come into your life, maybe, right now, you aren't the woman "he" wants. You may not need to change, you may need to improve.
There are many "he"s out there waiting to see that kind of woman in action. The good ones will grab her, the great ones will never let her go.
Good luck!
gotdam Toldya! you be hating but you still love me though and that's what's good.
squeeze urself,
genius khan
Girl ... I know! Its so crazy! And being a black female graduate student in one of the top cities for (WHITE) singles doesn't make it any easier. Last week I was in a deeeeeep funk over this. I kept asking my mother, "Where is my Barack!? I can be his Michelle!" Alas ... No Barack appeared.
Sometimes I feel this longing ache for a man ... In the pit of my stomach. And not just man but the hopeful future that might lead to (kids, house, a puppy, etc.).
Then I told myself to get over it ... And it worked. At least it has so far. I'm hoping to keep it going. Normally I hate advice like this and I have all types of follow up questions like why? how? etc. But this time ... I just said, "Lauren ... Get over it." And I did. I went and did some work. All better ...
Michelle didn't marry Barack until she was like 30, didn't have kids until her mid 30's. So she didn't meet Mr. Right in college either.
I wish that I had something magical, inspiring etc to say. Or at least have something like "girl head down to such such street on the corner of.... and you'll find a plethora of men". (If I had that addess I'd be blogging from there) But I'm with you and I hear you and I agree with you and I'm hoping and wishing with you.
Boo'd up, married, divorced & bitter, or the not really wanting a man type of folk will tell you to be patient, improve yourself, enjoy life, yadda yadda yadda. Note to those folk: that advice DOES NOT HELP AT ALL when you're lonely. And you know what? It's ok for us to be lonely sometimes....we were created to be in relationship with others and when for some of us that time takes a little longer than we anticipated we get lonely!
Doesn't mean we're gonna do something desperate, settle for something less than we should, etc....it just means we're human.
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