The Not Really, But Sorta "Hate List"

I'm gonna sneak in a Hate List entry today. Hopefully, a lot of y'all will miss this one, 'cause some of it may....whatever. Actually, this isn't a "hate" issue. It's a "what the Heck is wrong with you?" type of deal.

The Hate I Don't Get You List: Dreadlocks Edition

1) Uneccessary Comments: I am well aware of my hair's natural texture, and I always have been. Knowing what I know, I decided that I wanted dreads and saw no reason not to start them. So it drives me nuts when people (usually sistas) feel the need to say "Why did you dread that pretty/good/curly hair?" Hmmm, maybe because I never wanted to hear those terms again? Actually, because I wanted to. And I wear wigs when I want to, I color my hair when I want to and I will cut my locs if I want to. I never asked you why you continued to perm your hair when CLEARLY those chemicals are breaking yo' shit OFF. So why can't you grant me the same peace and shut the Hell up? 2007 Gas Face for you, darlin'.

2) White Folks With Dreads-

Hello White People. I really hate to ask you this, but can you PLEASE abstain from locking your hair? It's looks a hotdamn gotdamned mess when you do. Seriously, no White person has pulled it off well. Why try? We will still know how counterculture, leftist, anarchist and cool you are, even if you wear a "conformist" hairstyle. Hell, get some purple highlights or a funky, hipster cut if you need to be bold. But as for dreads, we got this. You see, it's offensive that some of y'all seem to throw dreads out there in the mohawk, freaky piercing and large tattoo category. It's bad enough I got to deal with Lil' Jon and the Yin Yang Twins negating the cultural relevance of my hair, please don't make it harder for me. And I'm really trying to help y'all out too with this one.


Why are they doing this to her?!?!?


3) Dreadlocked Brothas-

I don't so much have a "type", but I have an "ideal" when it comes to dating. And if you ask me to describe my ideal man physically, he would have dreads. I have always loved dreads. My dad had them until I was 12 and I think that, like many women, my dad serves as somewhat of a prototype for what I want in a beau. There was once a time in which wearing dreads was a good indicator that you were "community minded". Clearly, that isn't the case today. There are plenty of folks who totally down for the cause without dreads and plenty of people who ain't shit wear them. And there are dreads who THINK they are for the cause, who ain't worth too much either.

That said, I still find dreads to be verrrrrry attractive on a man. Shit, I have them myself and totally would rather date the male version of me more than anyone else. But you know what? A lot of men with dreads compliment me on mine, but very few ask me out. My friend and I have realized that a lot of brothas like natural hair in theory, but not in practice. This is what we imagine goes on in their minds: Dreads? That's cool for me, my boys and my mother. But on a woman? I want something silky to run my hands through. If I wanted to touch some dreads, I'd touch my own! Where the mutts at?

Ok, the last line was a joke. But I think the rest is true. And I don't care how silly and superficial it sounds. I want me a man with some dreads! I want people to look at me and my king and say "Aww. What a cute Black Power couple! And the sister is fierce! Work, bitch!"

Ok, the last line was a joke. Well, not really, but I think it would be expressed in a different comment. It's the best compliment the Girls can give you and I live to please them. I love queens almost as much as I love men with dreads.

Ok, I got distracted. Men with dreads, WTF? Holla at 'ya girl if you got more in common with Speech than you do Lil' Jigaboo Jon. And if you don't have dreads, we can work on it! And if you look like Malik Yoba or Al B. Sure!, you get a pardon.

Holla Black,
Holly Go Hard!
BKA
Sister Toldja!
PS-Here's a Kwanzaa gift for the ladies:


I'd like to show him a little Umoja (today's principle, which means "unity")! Habari Gani!